NOT Havin' It!
by NabikiB
Summary: Just because someone is shopping in Diagon Alley when Hogwarts is due to start the winter term, does not mean every student is enrolled there. Rated for Language choices.


_ Just because someone is shopping in Diagon Alley when Hogwarts is due to start the winter term, does not mean every student is enrolled there. American teenager Samantha Saint James is shocked and then enraged when two British Aurors playing 'truant' officers forcibly deliver her to Hogwarts on Dumbledore's orders, against her will and the will of her parents, despite the fact she's already enrolled at another school back home. Join me for some fun as we explore how many ways she can screw up Dumbledore's plans for Harry Potter._

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Not Havin' It!

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"Miss Saint James, you _will_ sit on the stool, put on the Sorting Hat and be sorted into your House." The Deputy Headmistress ordered the stubborn child before her.

"No, actually, I _won't_. I'm not enrolled at this backwards, _piece of shit_ school, I'm enrolled at Northwest Academy in Idaho, USA. Have been since I was eight and I still have five more years to go. I am not obligated to cooperate with **international criminals**, _you old twat_. I had time to order our account manager not to pay so much as a knut to Hogwarts for any reason and I paid the fee to have the Goblins _notify_ my parents, the Consulate's _and_ the Embassy's magical division of my kidnapping!

I _won't_ be taking classes here, but by the time my parents and the US State Department's magical division gets through with the U.K.'s magical humans, you idiots won't have any students left anyway...since nobody wants their kids taught at a place which is the epicenter of _that_ much global humiliation.

"HOW DARE YOU!" McGonagol snapped, enraged. "This is the premier magical school in Britain!"

"The only reason that Hogwarts is the premier magical school in Britain, is _because it's the only magical school here_...it is listed in the lowest five schools globally, though. That's because the core studies has been reduced from twenty to five, the sports have gone from ten to _one_, and the electives have been pared down from over fifty to _three_...all in the fifty years since that _idiot_ in the _clown_ robes was made headmaster here. It was the worst decision Great Britain ever made."

"You are the most disrespectful child I have ever met!"

"I sure hope so, I am definitely _trying_ to be. I save good manner for people who actually deserve to receive them."

"OCH!" She growled.

Samantha Saint James wasn't pulling her punches. " If that weren't bad enough, he's an old, boy-sniffin' _poofter_ as well, he's stupid enough to have hired a fucking _death-eater_ to teach potions, has a newly hired _possessed damned zombie_ teaching defense, maintains an unpaid ghost to keep up a very high standard in _Sleep Studies_, and keeps you, who is a _really, really_ _old _pussy teaching outdated methods instead of modern ones in transfiguration classes, a muggle studies class that is at least 175 years _outdated_, a groundskeeper that is constantly threatening the safety of your students with new and dangerous 'pets', need I go on?

Nobody here has any actual authority over me, _whatsoever_. Our family _rejected_ Hogwarts for good reason and kidnapping me while doing my shopping _for my real school_ isn't going to change our minds, bitch!" She snarled. "What it _will_ do is have the ICW stand said clown down as it's leader to prevent a conflict of interest, followed by having an international arrest warrant sworn out for him by his replacement and have _everyone_ involved brought up on charges._ I know my rights under international law! _Now, put down that mangy old hat and get the fuck out of my face,_ you useless old cunt_."

The American fourteen-year-old girl's defiance, accusations of criminal acts by the staff and the depth of the vulgarity used toward the Deputy Headmistress silenced the Great Hall.

"Holy shit." George Weasley breathed, awed...just as the Great Hall doors slammed open and International Aurors swept in by the score. Most of the teachers were arrested, the headmaster was in magical suppression cuffs and gagged before he could call for Fawkes and the foul-mouthed American teen was greeting a woman who appeared to be her mother as she exited the Hall.

"If anyone else needs a safe place to learn and got shoved somewhere they don't appreciate by that old twat, now would be the time to say so. Orphans he's claimed guardianship for would be the only qualifiers." The girl's mother offered and after a moment, Harry got up.

"Come along then. No need for you to be schooling in this _zoo_." A man who resembled Samantha so much that he almost _had_ to be her father, wearing ICW Auror Robes told him...and ushered the boy out. "Should've had someone adopt you by the time you were this old. No matter, we can do that. The rest of this lot will be going to either the USA or Australia."

"Dumbledore's gonna be _pissed_." Ron whistled.

"He'll be in holding cells with anti-phoenix and anti-house elf wards, among other things." Percy answered thoughtfully. "The last time this sort of thing happened to a big school like our's, the students were redistributed throughout the rest of the English speaking boarding schools in the global wizard world...except in the country of origin. Like the man said, Australia and the USA, mostly. I suppose that's what is happening here. She's right though, nobody here had any right to do what they did."

"Wow." Fred whispered.

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END


End file.
